The Impact of Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is a serious issue that can cause both physical and mental problems. These can range from muscle tension and feelings of shame to insomnia and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Often, when we think about abuse, physical abuse is what comes to mind first. However, abuse can take many forms. Emotional abuse is just as severe as physical abuse and sometimes even comes before it. In many cases, emotional and physical abuse happen together.

If you're trying to figure out if you are experiencing emotional abuse, there are some signs to look out for. One common sign is yelling. Abusers often use name-calling, insults, and ridicule to make you feel bad about yourself. They might try to make you doubt your sanity, a tactic known as gaslighting. Invading your privacy, punishing you for not doing what they want, and trying to control your life are also signs of emotional abuse. Additionally, they might try to isolate you from your family and friends, and make threats, whether subtle or obvious.

It's important to remember that if you have been emotionally abused, it is not your fault. There's no right or wrong way to feel about it. Emotional abuse is not normal, but your feelings are valid. Understanding the effects of emotional abuse and knowing how to get help is crucial.

In the short term, emotional abuse can leave you in denial. It can be shocking to find yourself in such a situation, and it's natural to hope you're wrong. You might feel confused, fearful, hopeless, or ashamed. This emotional burden can also lead to physical and behavioral side effects. You may have trouble concentrating, experience mood swings, suffer from muscle tension, and have nightmares. Your heart might race, and you could experience various aches and pains.

Long-term effects of emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. Studies show that severe emotional abuse can be as powerful as physical abuse, contributing to low self-esteem and depression over time. You may develop anxiety, chronic pain, guilt, insomnia, and become socially withdrawn or feel lonely. Some researchers believe that emotional abuse may also contribute to conditions like chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia.

Children are not immune to the effects of emotional abuse, and it can often go unnoticed. If a child is experiencing emotional abuse, they might withdraw socially, regress in behavior, or develop sleep disorders. If these issues are not resolved, they can continue into adulthood and make the person more susceptible to further mistreatment. Although most abused children do not grow up to be abusers themselves, some research suggests that they may be more likely to engage in toxic behaviors than those who were not abused. Adults who were abused or neglected as children may also be more prone to developing chronic health problems such as eating disorders, headaches, heart disease, mental health issues, obesity, and substance use disorders.

Emotional abuse does not always lead to PTSD, but it can. PTSD can develop after a terrifying or shocking event. A doctor might diagnose PTSD if you experience high levels of stress or fear for an extended period. These feelings can be so severe that they interfere with your daily life. Other symptoms of PTSD include angry outbursts, being easily startled, negative thoughts, insomnia, nightmares, reliving the trauma through flashbacks, and experiencing physical symptoms like a rapid heartbeat. Children with PTSD might also wet the bed, become clingy, or regress in their behavior. You may be more likely to develop PTSD if you have experienced traumatic events before, especially in childhood, have a history of mental illness or substance use, or lack a support system. PTSD is often treated with therapy and antidepressants.

When you are ready to begin recovery, it is important to acknowledge that emotional abuse can lead to mental and physical symptoms that should not be ignored. What works for one person may not work for another, and not everyone is ready to start their recovery at the same time. When you are ready to take the next step, there are several tips that can help.

Reaching out for support is crucial. You do not have to go through this alone. Talk to a trusted friend or family member who will listen without judgment. If that is not an option, consider joining a support group for people who have experienced abuse or trauma.

Getting physically active can also help. Exercise does more than just keep you fit. Research shows that doing moderate-intensity aerobics or a mix of moderate aerobic and muscle-strengthening activities for at least 90 minutes a week can help you sleep better, stay mentally sharp, and reduce your risk of depression. Even less intense physical activity, like a daily walk, can be beneficial. If home workouts are not appealing, consider joining a class. This could be swimming, martial arts, or even dance — anything that gets you moving.

Social interaction is another important aspect of recovery. Social isolation can creep up slowly, but it is not good for your mental health. Friends can help you heal, and you do not have to talk to them about your problems unless you want to. Simply enjoying the company of others and feeling accepted can boost your spirits. Try calling an old friend just to chat, inviting a friend to a movie or out for a meal, accepting invitations even when you feel like staying home, or joining a class or club to meet new people.

Mind your diet because emotional abuse can mess with your eating habits. It can make you eat too little, too much, or all the wrong things. To keep your energy levels up and minimize mood swings, eat a variety of fruits, vegetables, and lean protein. Eat several well-balanced meals throughout the day, avoid bingeing or skipping meals, and stay away from alcohol and drugs. Also, try to avoid sugary, fried, and highly processed foods.

Making rest a priority is essential because fatigue can drain your energy and cloud your thinking. To promote a good night's sleep, go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, aim for at least seven hours of sleep each night, do something relaxing before bedtime, remove electronic gadgets from your bedroom, and consider getting room-darkening window shades. Practicing relaxation techniques such as listening to soothing music, aromatherapy, deep breathing exercises, yoga, meditation, or tai chi can also help ease stress.

Volunteering your time can seem counterintuitive, but it can help reduce stress, anger, and depression. Find a local cause you care about and give it a try.

While lifestyle changes may be sufficient for some people, others might need more help. This is completely normal. Professional counseling can be very helpful if you are avoiding all social situations, feeling depressed, frequently fearful or anxious, having nightmares or flashbacks, struggling to carry out your responsibilities, unable to sleep, or using alcohol or drugs to cope. Talk therapy, support groups, and cognitive behavioral therapy are just a few ways to address the effects of emotional abuse.

If you decide to seek professional help, look for someone with experience in emotional abuse or trauma. You can ask your primary care physician or another doctor for a referral, ask friends and family for recommendations, call your local hospital to see if they have mental health professionals on staff, or search the American Psychological Association database. When you call, schedule a Q&A session over the phone and ask about their credentials, experience with emotional abuse, approach to therapy, charges, and insurance acceptance. Remember that finding the right therapist can take time. After your first visit, consider if you felt safe enough to open up, if the therapist understood and respected you, and if you feel good about having another session. If you are not satisfied, it is okay to try someone else. Keep searching until you find the right fit for you. You are worth the effort.